In recovery I’ve learnt to have faith in a power greater then myself but it’s not always that straightforward! Worry, anxiety and fear of what is to come, of the future can mean it can be difficult to let go, to surrender to what will be and allow myself to be taken on a journey that I am but a participant of rather than the organiser.
A day on the beach kite flying with family brought this home to me. The kite was found, intact, abandoned in the rocks. We had received a gift for no cost and flying a kite again felt so exciting. But the wind was powerful, determined to rip the kite from my hands. What if we lost grip? What if the wind tore it away, never to be seen again? How would the children feel if it was to be lost so soon after it’s discovery?
I could feel the power of the wind, something greater than myself, as it pulled the line taught. Grasping at the kite. Choosing where it would take it. Causing the kite to dance in a beautiful, colourful blur to it’s own tune. Nature was the master, I merely it’s puppet. Once I could accept that I was merely a player in it’s theatre, that I could let go of the fear of loss and embrace the thrill of the powerlessness within me, my faith in what will be was restored. Like the kite I must throw myself to the wind, to a power greater than myself. Then and only then can I truly experience life as I’m meant to. As it’s meant to be.