It feels, just as it does in the direction my painting is taking, that I am beginning to come out of the dark in more ways than one. Just last week I was interviewed by a local reporter from The Wrexham Leader about myself and my work which was a very nerve wracking experience, as I find it uncomfortable talking with those I don’t know.
However, I found that gave me the courage to put together a virtual gallery tour of my paintings in my studio. Something I would never have dreamed of being able to accomplish in the past. Again I felt so nervous but feel so pleased with it. A small task for some maybe but a huge step forward for me.
Perhaps a lot of my new confidence is coming from the amount of commissions I’m being asked to produce. My latest, below, was an album cover of ‘The Levellers’ for a couple’s 15th anniversary which was also posted on a Facebook fan page and received some lovely comments. Creating art is an amazing experience but getting my profile out there is a lot harder! I’m grateful to my partner, Darren, for all the encouragement and hard work he puts towards increasing my artistic profile online.
It’s been one of those days today. Out and about noticing scowls, bad moods. Dark aura’s seem to be the theme of the day. Even online I found myself trolled by someone who obviously had nothing better to do with their day. I found this mood rubbing off on me, frustration, anger and resentment building within like a hot flame. A flame I’m only too aware can lead to, for an addict like me and my loved ones, a world of pain and sorrow.
Acceptance is the key! Acceptance of people, places, things and situations. Removing the need to control, removing expectations, removing the focus from self. I always, in times like this, find myself falling into my art, allowing my emotions to run wild and create rather than destroy. Instead of accepting a day of frustration and resentments, I have found a day of peace and serenity through work on my latest commission and working the principles of my 12 step program. After all, I will rest my head tonight sober and at peace!
So many of my past paintings have been very dark in image, very probably due to where I was in addiction. Whilst I still enjoy this style I’m seeing and appreciating the colours around me in recovery. This is inspiring me to explore works in new, vibrant tones, feeling the beauty of the rainbow my life is becoming.
Recovery is giving me the opportunity to explore new pastures, to re-evaluate life and my place in it. To reach out, through the fear of the unknown, and allow self expression in a new light. It’s even lead me now to the idea of of a new medium of expression using oils. Allowing me to build a confidence in a new format and hang the results!