Perhaps it’s that time of year, as the leaves turn to golden hews, the mornings are crisper and the days shorter. Change is in the air. But then change is always in the air. The question is only; should we fight against the inevitable flow of life or do we accept and embrace what will be. To allow ourselves to be swept along on the winds of change.
I have come across this ‘unknown’, this fear, this opportunity both through the commissions that are coming my way and through my changed outlook, in recovery, towards life and thus my art. My paintings had reflected so much darkness, within addiction, as indeed the coming winter will reflect it. But the summer months, along with recovery, have brought me a new sense of lightness, colour and vibrancy which has set me free from the shackles of darkness to the exploration of light.
This change has by no means been easy. My work always relied on that sense of darkness, of my inner sadness and fears. It was a part of me and therefore became a part of my work. Now, the veil has been lifted. I can see the world and the beauty within it as I have never experienced before. Change can bring anxiety, fear of what is to come but it can also bring growth and with it a constant new beginning.
It’s been one of those days today. Out and about noticing scowls, bad moods. Dark aura’s seem to be the theme of the day. Even online I found myself trolled by someone who obviously had nothing better to do with their day. I found this mood rubbing off on me, frustration, anger and resentment building within like a hot flame. A flame I’m only too aware can lead to, for an addict like me and my loved ones, a world of pain and sorrow.
Acceptance is the key! Acceptance of people, places, things and situations. Removing the need to control, removing expectations, removing the focus from self. I always, in times like this, find myself falling into my art, allowing my emotions to run wild and create rather than destroy. Instead of accepting a day of frustration and resentments, I have found a day of peace and serenity through work on my latest commission and working the principles of my 12 step program. After all, I will rest my head tonight sober and at peace!
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