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Fear knocked at the door, faith answered. There was no one there

I’ve not long realised, with the help of my 12 step recovery plan, how much fear was affecting my art, myself and my life. Fear of not being good enough, fear of ridicule, fear of negativity, fear of failure. Is the art I’m creating the right type? Can I find my niche and style? Will people like it? Am I an artist of any worth?

After talking to my partner I agreed to take a time out and to have a soul refreshing weekend away. And then it happens on the morning we are to leave. Three sales, two commissions and another two sales whilst away. Allowing myself to be taken by the currents of life rather than exhaustively fighting against them has lead to a richer, deeper understanding of both my artwork and what is actually meaningful to me in life. Being a mother, a lover, a daughter, a sister, a friend along with being an artist of worth is far more important to me than any particular financial gain and this has come to me in all the lovely comments and support from the individuals who follow my work on Facebook. It truly has meant so much to me. I thank each and everyone of you and send my love.

Fear did indeed knock at the door but all the beautiful people out there reminded me that there is never anyone there. To have faith that there is a plan. That whilst I won’t always get what I want. I will always get what I need.

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The Winds of Change

Perhaps it’s that time of year, as the leaves turn to golden hews, the mornings are crisper and the days shorter. Change is in the air. But then change is always in the air. The question is only; should we fight against the inevitable flow of life or do we accept and embrace what will be. To allow ourselves to be swept along on the winds of change.

I have come across this ‘unknown’, this fear, this opportunity both through the commissions that are coming my way and through my changed outlook, in recovery, towards life and thus my art. My paintings had reflected so much darkness, within addiction, as indeed the coming winter will reflect it. But the summer months, along with recovery, have brought me a new sense of lightness, colour and vibrancy which has set me free from the shackles of darkness to the exploration of light.

This change has by no means been easy. My work always relied on that sense of darkness, of my inner sadness and fears. It was a part of me and therefore became a part of my work. Now, the veil has been lifted. I can see the world and the beauty within it as I have never experienced before. Change can bring anxiety, fear of what is to come but it can also bring growth and with it a constant new beginning.